Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it's like iHOP with fire
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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