Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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