It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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