how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
