wakey wakey hands off snakey
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
