i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Randomize
