My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
