Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
