This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
