we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is there bacon in the couch?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
