when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
