She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
