imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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