If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
