Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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