Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
