Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
