I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just want to make out with him forever
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
