I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
