Sry I called you an 8
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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