i just google imaged poop.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
