there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
