then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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