can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
