it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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