Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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