my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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