So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
