once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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