The maid of honor just puked.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
