Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Randomize
