I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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