I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
