i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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