At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
