wat bout pragnant strippers??
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
