no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
