Christians are straight up FREAKS
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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