Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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