yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
