I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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