you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
