and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I did not marry a roomba.
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