my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
