I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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