Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
