the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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