I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
