I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
