A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
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That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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