The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
