Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
