you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
