so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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