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i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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