so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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