I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
