Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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