It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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