I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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