a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
