You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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