I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
