On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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