I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
