Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
