I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
