Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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