so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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