ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
how drunk are you?
Several
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
