why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
