smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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