Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
