I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
