Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
