Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
