If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
