rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
