i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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