mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
