And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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