Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
