I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
