And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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